dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
