he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's on the porch naked. Help.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
