glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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