he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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