Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
