Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
