Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
