he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
