Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
