yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
