just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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