1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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