She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
