i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize