So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
