My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
