So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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