i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
