Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
