I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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