What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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