the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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