I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
