I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
