I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
