i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
