I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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