Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
