before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
