that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
