I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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