At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
