So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
