She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
