I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
