help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
