Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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