p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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