Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize