I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize