dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize