You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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