I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
