you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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