I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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