ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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