It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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