"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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