I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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