We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I still have a little drunk in my system
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
