We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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