can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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