Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
