I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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