Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
