Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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