omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
