I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
