You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
