his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize