If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
