Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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