Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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