Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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